


Nothing

by abbyisnotcool



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, F/M, Help, Lams - Freeform, M/M, Suicide Attempt, but sad lams, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 17:17:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10644456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbyisnotcool/pseuds/abbyisnotcool
Summary: Alexander always had visionsMaybe thats why in the end, nothing mattered(TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE ATTEMPT)





	

_'Momma!' I tugged her arm as the smell of sick flooded the room. It was coiling around me. Was I gonna die? Momma died. Theres nothing left. Big fat tears rolled down my cheeks. 'God' i muttered. 'I hope I die.'_

"Momma!" 12 year old Alexander screamed as his mother came rushing in, hearing his screams before. She hugged him tight.

"Don't worry baby. Momma's always gonna be here."

_She lied._

A week later, Alexander had to watch his mother die again. That's when Alexander knew something weird was going on. He saw visions of the town flooding, and tried to tell the rich folk, the poor folk, all the people in his village.

No one would listen .Alexander watched them die. He sat upon the beach writing about what he saw, when he had another vision. Something about  _salt_ and  _going somewhere_.

Alexander smiled.

Soon, that vision was correct. He was on his way to New York. He waited for another vision to come. And it did. But it was weird. It said he only met one person, named Aaron Burr. He was so happy, for he always wanted to meet him. Though, when they walked in the bar, three men grabbed his attention. Images were soon flooding this vision.

_'So, why do you need your coats tailored today?' a man spoke to three british_ _soldiers, while I stood behind the door. He was our greatest ally. If only they knew._

_He stood upon the hill, watching over the battle, as Lee attempted to retreat. 'Alexander,' my gaze moved to the General as happiness overwhelmed me. He then pointed to the man beside me. Happiness was still present, yet not as much._

_I kneeled above him, dragging my lips across his chest. He pulled my head to his lips, and we shared a tender, yet passionate kiss. As I moved in, he let go of the kiss, and stared up at me with love in his eyes. I love him. 'I love you.' I murmured into his neck. I heard him giggle. 'Deeper' he breathed._

Alexander froze.

Soon he walked closer to their talking, Burr shaking his head at his advancements. He listened to what each man said their name was, and was intrigued. Hercules, Lafayette, John. John Laurens. Then they noticed Burr, and made fun for him for what he said. He then brought up his point, and then felt them all crowding him. He explained that he was going to try his hardest, as he was hit with hardships. Burr tried to stop them from explaining what they each wanted to do. 

"Mr. Lafayette, hard rock like lancelot." lafayette smiled at this.

"I think your pants look hot," Hercules looked down, blushing.

 _Laurens, I love you a lot._ Alexander stuttered.

"Laurens I like you a lot," Alexander's gaze flickered to his, and Laurens' eyes dilated. Soon, the night was over, and Lafayette and Hercules were drunk. Laurens grabbed Alexander, and ran to his house. Soon, fleeting kisses, and love filled gazes were exchanged. Alexander soon found himself in the position, and was falling deeper and deeper and-

"Deeper." Laurens breathed into his ear. Alexander smiled. And he obliged. 

Soon, his visions got worse, such with the war. He didn't tell anyone about his love with Laurens, and sneaking into his tent in the middle. He was pretty sure General Washington knew, but said nothing. But it was then he realized if people found out, they would be killed. So he found a wife. Eliza was her name, and he married her, without loving her like he loved Laurens. He soon found himself having visions.

_'Laurens please, you_ _must understand. It was to protect my legacy,' I pleaded. Laurens stopped in the middle of his tent. 'I know Alexander,' he muttered while turning to face me. Tears were rolling down his cheeks._

_'That doesn't mean I have to like it.'_

Soon the war ended, and Laurens had to go down to South Carolina to visit his battalion. Alexander kissed him goodbye, with one last mutter of 'I love you''s, and he was gone. Soon, Eliza announced that she would be having a baby, Alexander already knowing, faked his surprise, but not his joy. But it was the day of his son's birth, that everything changed. He sat in the hallway when it hit him.

_'Alexander, theres a letter to you from South Carolina' I smiled. 'Its from John, I'll read it later.' There was an intake of breath._

**_Why was there an intake of_ _breath_ _._ **

_'Its.. its from his father.' I froze. 'His... father.. can you read it?' I pushed the chair and stood to look at Eliza. She took in a shaky breath. Why? Why? What is happening?_

_'On Tuesday the 25th, my son, was killed in a gun...' the words trailed out of her mouth. Killed? No. No this_ _can't be happening. No no no no. You can't leave me. You can't leave me._

_**I can't live without you**  
_

Alexander stood from his seat, and rushed to his room, ignoring the Nurse's shocked gaze. He ran to his room, and wrote a letter. Maybe this one he could change.  _please come to Philadelphia._

Please.

It didn't work. Eliza still walked in. Alexander still shooed her off.

Alexander still sobbed. 

He grabbed all his letters, and looking to Philip, he kissed him, and rushed to his room. He dug through his drawers, only to find his guns, he then grabbed his candle, and the box that Laurens left to him when he died. It was full of his letters to him. The message at the bottom was simple. If one of them ever died, so no one could find out.

_'Burn them,' Laurens muttered to me, 'If I die, or you die, we burn each others letters.' I nodded grimly, and stared at Laurens._

_'Please let it never happen.'_

He grabbed the candle, letting the hot wax move across him fingers. It hurt. He took the first one he could find, and lit it. He burned most of them. People would be confused if all were gone. He stuffed the rest back in the box, and moved it to the side. He stared upon the guns, and then thought to his son.

_'Dad I need your help.'_

He fumbled to take the gun out.

_'If you die,' I won't be able to take it. 'Your mother won't be able to take it.'_

He cocked the gun, and examined it.

_'Is he alive?' he can't die, he can't die, he can't die, **ITS MY FAULT**_

'So my son dies too?' he thought.

_'Philip? Philip?'_

He pressed it inside his mouth, and applied pressure.

_His heart isn't beating._

He smiled.

_Nothing mattered._

"ALEXANDER!" Eliza rushed in and pulled the gun from his mouth. She wrapped him in her arms, and cradled him as he was still shocked from what happened. Yet no tears came out. It was normal. He saw everything before. He knew he wasn't going to be able too. Yet..

_Why am upset?_

As Alexander moved to his bed, and fell asleep, Eliza grabbed the guns, and put them away from her husband. She then grabbed the boxes, Alexander's letters, and... someone else's. As she looked through, horror crept on her. She slid down the bed room down, as tears fell from her eyes. She realized something that day.

_She was not his first choice._

The day Alexander met Thomas Jefferson and James Madison, it was not their views that angered him so much. Yes, they were stupid, but he did respect peoples opinions. It was the way they looked at each other. Smiling. Gazes so full of love. He had that once. It made his blood boil. Thomas and James.

_But no more John and Alexander._

Alexander went on with life. He had the affair with Maria, because she looked so much like.. him. He knew what he was doing. He was too tired to care.  

He saw Eliza cry.

_Nothing mattered._

He saw his son die.

_Nothing mattered._

Everything in his life was shattered. But yet, he still went on. Aaron asked him to meet him. He went. He left a letter. He dueled. Alexander didn't have a vision that day. So when he was dying, he smiled.

For the first time, his life wasn't predicted.

He muttered one last thing to Angelica and Eliza before falling into the arms of someone he missed dearly.

"John.." 

 _Someone_ mattered

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea on a bus, and it got sadder and sadder I'm sorry


End file.
